Weekend of Phoniness
[2006-03-27] - [11:40 p.m.]
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The weekend w/ Mom and Dad went pretty well. i hate it June had to entertain them so much. i thought I might actually get more time w/ them but my bosses g-mom was dying and finally passed this weekend so I had to cover a little more of the shifts than expected. We still had some good times. I realize it stresses me out some to be w/ them. i think in someways it is b/c I have to or feel i have to be so phony. i can't really be me. They don't really like a lot of the same things we do. Don't watch the same shows we do. Are wayyyy too freaking religious to cut loose w/ the exception of gossiping on church members which sometimes just makes me sick. I mean I'm as cynical as they come and take my jabs at the establishment and but I try to keep the personal derragatory notes to a minimum. Mom always seems to find sometime to harp on drinking to me when noone is around and I half stand up to her about how I don't do it a lot and don't consider it wrong but never fully go into all I truly believe. Heck, all i truly believe now would blow her out of a seat. But it goes back to June's discussion(read yesterday's entry) about Buddy's message. Rules and religion don't equal my relationship w/ God. That is the synapsis of it all. I can pray and feel pretty close to God outside w/ a Marlboro in my hand just as well as anywhere b/c He is my friend, we have a relationship. Church is not my God. It will take me a few days to get back on track w/ my feel good vibe I was on about myself after having to deal w/ them and the fact the Edwardo called and I just want to tell him "fuck off a little".(Thanks Potato and June.) It isn't going to go by his plans and his agenda any more. Ok I am done ranting. Time to smoke!

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