Captured by love
[2006-02-05] - [11:18 p.m.]
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Where I am suppose to go as far as if it is Jackson or Colorado or God only knows where else is no more clear today for me than before. What is clearer is that I am hearing God's call back to being used again. I hesiatate to even say a call to ministry b/c so often that term "ministry" in my background simply means full-time church work and mostly that of preaching. I feel called to teach the Bible and to equip people for life, yes, but I don't really care if it is full-time or not. I am more concerned w/ the fact that I can't bury my God-given gift any longer. Go to www.mhbcmi.org and listen to flames of heaven part 1 by Rob Bell for better explaination if you happen to be reading this and are confused. I have never felt more of a clear call to go and to do the little good that I am capable of doing than after today's message on "courage" at Mosaic and this message by Rob. In the face to face times at Mosaic, which June absolutely hates by the way, we discussed the sermon today. The topic was to discuss our fears or what keeps us from making those couragious moves for ourselves and God. I was mentioning some of my fears including repeating past mistakes, fear of making wrong choices, etc. We really seemed to focus in on the fear of making wrong choices for some reason. Joey used and great quote from one of his friends from Mosaic, who also happens to be the first guy I ever met there. The comment went something like we must do our homework and make the best possible choice we can see and then trust God, even if it turns out to be the wrong one God is big enough to handle it for our good. WOW! That really blew me away! It really is my job to search out the info, to pray and seek God on the issues and then to move and go forward. It reminds me now how in the book of Acts when Paul, James, Peter, and some of the other early followers of Christ got together on some hot-button issue and they ended the discussions with "it seemed good to us and to the Holy Spirit". "It seemed good" that part always stands out to me they weren't ready to kill over it, it just seemed right and was the direction they all agreed on. Somehow this gives me such hope and courage for what June and I currently face. All of our options at this point require courage. Any thought about becoming more involved in the lives of people does esp. when the Kingdom is involved. I honor this thing so much. I don't want to disgrace it anymore. God, Jesus and the Church have been and are being disgraced enough by all that is out there. I hate to stand in judgement and am probably the last that should but some of what is going on should just stop. Some of it is so judgemental towards the very people I believe Jesus wants to reach. The only people you'll ever hear me judging is religious ones. If I am ever in a pastoral role again I want to do away w/ so much of the "us and them", the "sinner and saved" mentality that rules the church. We are all on the journey. Some of us are just further on our discovery of who Jesus is and what He means in our lives. As the church, it is our role to be signpost pointing the way to Him-Jesus-Ultimate Reality not getting in everybody's way by telling them they have to do this or be this way or that. I mean, gosh, I've been following Jesus for years and am not sure about all that I believe and some of those beliefs have change at least half a dozen times, esp. in the past two years. But I know that God loves me more than anything else. I know I love Him. I know as much as I want to do something for Him, He has and wants to continue to do greater things for me. I don't want to get back into this thing to gain His approval as such any more. I want to now b/c of His overwhelming love.

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