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Well the neuro md visit went well. The MD wasn't nearly as difficult to understand as everyone had said he would be. My primary care and June had made him sound as if I'd be saying "what" after every other word. June went back w/ me this time, I'm not sure if it was b/c she didn't trust me to tell all of how bad it has been or to be the interpreter. It really doesn't matter I was glad she was there. I was glad the MD took his time and showed genuine concern for my problems/condition. The smells I have had recently w/ my HA's are new and a bit alarming. They've only happened like two or three times but when a neurologist combines these smells w/ the words seizures yeah it gets my attention. Yep that will about do it, every time. I still haven't exactly told my parents about that. They freak out over too much as it is! They'd be up here Tuesday for the MRI and I can't handle that. The nurse when she was scheduling me for the MRI ask me if I was clostrophobic, I thought," I don't know no one's ever shoved me in one of those little tubes to take pictures of brain, while using words like seizures". But instead I do my usual, " Oh, no I'm not" and continue my "Everything's fine" routine. Inside I am a bit shaken and I think that maybe even as I write this it is the first time I have realized it. Well, other than when watching "six feet under". But I really do beileve all will be ok. I really do think it is just migraines. They are just getting worse and then I am worried about them which only makes them worse, great!(the curse of my family) The funniest thing about the neuro visit was the samples of meds he gave me. They are samples of the rescue med I already take-thank God for Zomig!- except they are orally discentagrating tablets. Not quick dissolve but discentagrate. It sounded like something out of Mission Impossible-this pill will self distruct in 5 seconds or something. I mean wouldn't quick or rapidly dissolving tablets sound a bit more appetizing than discentagrating. It sounds like they will explode like some kind of super pop rocks in my mouth. Which if they were pop rocks would be cool! Remember pop rocks and coke that was awesome to borrow a way over used clache'.
Ok enough about HA's and all. I have new way cool glasses, which everyone think look great on me. I mean last night at Steven and Nathan's party Steven tried them on and people were like, "Well, they are ok on you but not near as cool as they look on Jason". I know that sounds so shallow but I have never really been compared to anyone on any level and been cooler than them in any look, action, or anything so it was like a rocket boost to my fragile ego. In that way I am not like the real John. Maybe that is another reason I find him so cool. He never seemed to have a fragile ego, at least not in public anyway. He seemed happy and at peace w/ who he was esp. in the years after he became a Christian and married June. June and I were talking about an old friend this week mainly b/c I was doing this silly walk out of the Thai restaurant that reminded us of him and we remarked, that though he has some strange oddities to himself and is the most flamboyant straight person we know, he is completely confident and comfortable with himself. I have always admired that about him. I don't beileve he has ever been embarrassed about anything, unless he hurt someone's feelings. (even then?) That is something I am striving far to be more and more comfortable with myself and who God has made me. I also want to be more confident in the talents God has blessed me with. It is after all somehow worship to Him to realize my full potential and to live up to it. Isn't that part of the parable of the talents? I know talents in the story are money, but the lord or boss who entrusted them w/ the talents wanted them to produce the full potential of the money and the full potential of each servant w/ the money. Isn't that what God wants from us? To use our potential to produce more- more beauty, more peace, more love, more harmony, more money to be used to help the less fortunate-more and more so we can be part of His plan of restoring all things. Oh no here goes Johnny preaching. Oh I wish I could dialogue w/ someone on these things and see these things that I am reading in "Velvet Elvis" be taught in so many places. So many people need "GOOD NEWS", not more religious banter and more to do list and more guilt and more feelings of unworthiness. He chose me. In Biblical days if a rabbi chose you that meant he thought you could be like him and Jesus chose me. That in and of itself changes my whole image of myself. I beileve Rob Bell has written the new commentary on the Bible for this generation. These are the truths that can change the church and make it matter again in the lives of people. My mom was asking tonight about me being able to go somewhere to church Sunday despite the fact I work wondering if someone had a night service or a Saturday night service or something b/c she is always upset that my job doesn't allow me to attend church on a regular basis. I told her I wasn't interested in just going somewhere so I could say I had gone to church like a good little Christian and check it off my to do list. I said isn't church suppose to be about getting together w/ other people you know and like and joining together to worship God? If not it is just another religious duty. I mean if we think about it the early church did not meet in massive buildings once a week to sing songs aimed at a projector w/ some talking head leading everything from the front on an elevated platform. They met wherever they could, it was community and often subversive, hidden. I think if they were doing it today they would meet at Starbucks or McDonald's or still in their homes b/c it was about fellowship-food, fun, laughing, discussion, sharing burdens(both emotional and financial), prayer, and just life as it happened. Sure there were bigger meetings but look at some of the places they happened Mars Hill was more like a market place or discussion point not a temple or steepled church. It would be the equivelent of a blog or MySpace today in some ways. That is why I said to my mom that if at work I am encouraging my co-workers and being encouraged by them I might have been better off there than in some churches- scary but true. I mean steepled churches and the way most of Western Christianity does it now didn't happen until the Bible was regulated to the educated and stripped from the common man-hidden away in a foreign language and we all know that that didn't turn out well. Thank God Martin Luther said it was for all of us through faith and grace not religious heirarchy and education.Don't ask me why I chose to preach all that at you, dear Diary, tonight but all of it is perculating in my soul. Anyway I have a bedroom to finish straightening up before I can call it a night. so see-ya!