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It seems like it has been forevr since I've updated my diary. I've been so busy. I had a simple test run to see what the heck is going on with my stomach. Inflammation is all they've decided for now. They took some biopsis and will test those for other things but for now it is just more antacids and stomach problems. On top of that is the headaches. I've had migraines since I was a pre-teen. At times they have been better and at times worse. I don't know why right at the moment they are worse. They've really been worse over the past year and a half. I thought the new meds- I'm on two preventative prescriptions now- were working but lately they seem to be losing their effects. Then all this stomach stuff started. The MD's all think that the stomach stuff is related to all the NSAID's I take when I do have a migraine. I usually take b/t three and four ibuprofren- not so good for your stomach. They are, however, all that seems to help my HA's. Tylenol is what I've been regulated to and I've made the country-hick analogy that "that is like shooting bb's at a bear". I sure hope we get some answers to what is wrong soon. June has become extremely worried about the headaches probably b/c she watches "six Feet Under" and Nate has all the HA's associated w/ strange smells and feeling as he is progressively dying from an anuerism(however you spell that). June has already put her foot down that the next really bad HA means an ER visit with head CT or MRI. I told Bob at work yesterday who is suffering from much of the same symptoms that I think if I go to the Dr.'s one more time they are going to think I am either drug seeking or dying. They are goin to come in my room with a big needle full of drugs and a gun to either cure or kill. I confessed that at times through this I almost wouldn't have cared which. I don't really want to die please don't read too much into that statement. I just want to get better. I rememeber talking with June's mom after her recent test and we both were discussing how we can't imagine what it must be like to truly be sick and be in the hospital all the time with test being run and treatments being performed. It is those kind of thoughts that make me feel like a wimp and very sorry for even complaining about my conditions. Anyway b/t test and work and running around with June and an unexpected but pleasant visit from some family last pm I haven't had a chance to write much at all.I wish I had something really great to say about today. It has been a mixed-up blessing of a day. I don't have to go to work until 6pm which means more time here w/ June=blessing. It also means sales are way down at the store, this has been a horrible season for retail=not such a blessing, no incentive, fears for job, etc. June and I had a great lunch and dessert today(heeee!)= big blessing! we also found out our attempts to get pregnant aren't working=buzz kill. June seems so down about it. She seems to really be giving up and I am afraid her only reason for holding on is me and maybe some other people like her mom and family, etc. June would be the best mom ever. She feels she is too lazy and self-absorb to be a good mom which is crazy. She is the single most unselfish person I know and would give until she had nothing left for those she loved, I am proof of that. Still I try to tell her that if a child is not what she wants, either now or ever, it is really ok w/ me. I have her- she really is all I need in my life. If anybody's abilities are preventing us from having children it is my psychological and spiritual issues. June is enough to make any man's life full for eternity. I don't need kids. Sure I would enjoy children w/ the woman of my dreams and would love them always and do my best to raise them, but they are not going to make my life full. My life is full and fulfilling b/c Jesus and June reside in it. I am not really sure where to go from here. We are suppose to call and get an appointment w/ a fertility Dr. but I only want to go that route if we decide it is what is right for us. We have both already decided against invetro and prefer adoption. We shall see.